I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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