So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
