Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
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Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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