Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
send nudes
from the living room?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
