There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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