I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
