I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
