I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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