I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
