Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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