So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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