his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
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I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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