You just made me feel so damn special
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
