That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
