Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
