She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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