I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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