My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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