Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
