Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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