where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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