"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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