we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
