I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
