I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
