I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
