My friends, they love my intelligence
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
