I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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