Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
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