I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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