That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
