my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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