the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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