bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
