Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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