help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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