Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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