I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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