A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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