I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
