I met the friendliest cop last night
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
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is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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