so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
