roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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