Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
