I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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