last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
