My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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