I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
