dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I can tuck mytits in my pants
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
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Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
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It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
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