I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
