i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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