I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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