he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Reggie can tackle my bush.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
