hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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