Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
