So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
