well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
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I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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