Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
