Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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