You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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