I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
