You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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