"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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