i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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