Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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