I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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