i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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