And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
