i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
