i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
