i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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