i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
