i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
