when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My breasts were aching with rage.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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