We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
