Heybabeimwearingurpanties
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
