i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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