: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
