if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
